Eternal Epiphany

Remember that time I told you how it's okay that I'm not the same size I was when I was 18 years old?  Well in this moment, quite frankly I feel like that's a pile of crap. Here is my current epiphany:

Epiphany Phase 1: Yesterday on my walk with Princess, I proudly paraded down a (very) main road near where we live wearing: very old leggings (which you can see directly through..classy, I know), a sweatshirt tied around my waist (because somehow in my 35 minute drive home I hadn't realized it was 75º outside - and this way at least my rear was covered from the transparent leggings) and an oversized t-shirt which at one point in Bill's high school career belonged to him (complete with some type of blade graphic and name of heavy metal band). As I plopped along heading East, I looked down at my shadow. For a split second, I wanted to look behind me to see who the fat guy was that was about to attack Princess and I...then I realized, the fat guy was me. What the heck!? Where'd that cute, sporty, skinny girl go? I swear, she was just here!

Epiphany Phase 2: Fast forward to later last evening, sitting on the couch with Princess, enjoying 6 or 9 sugar cookies, scrolling through the photos from Heidi's Bachelorette Party. I kept seeing the same thing, photo filled with pretty girls, then one whale in a green dress. Wait, what? Oh...seriously?!

Epiphany Phase 3: Tonight while mowing down some Arby's (I said we wouldn't grocery shop, I never said we wouldn't grab a bite here & there...) my tiny little tank top crept up my waistline while my tiny little shorts slid down (I wanted to feel CUTE on my walk tonight, gosh darnit!!) and before I knew it, a spare tire had escaped my clothing and was resting comfortably on my thighs as I leaned over to inhale a few more curly fries. Okay, okay, okay. I get the picture, self. It's time to make an effort.

See, I had hoped that this simple "walking" thing would work out. I haven't ridden seriously in almost a year now and that burned roughly 700 calories a day. I hoped maybe just the 200 calorie burning walk would suffice...but my gut and 'wings' have proven otherwise. I can barely look at my arms in the mirror without getting queasy. Tonight I decided to step it up and try one of those thousands of "quick workouts" floating around Pinterest.

"'No Nonsense'!? I like it already," I thought to myself. "I am tough. I can handle 'No Nonsense'" ...until I got about 2 lunges in and screamed "NOOOOOOOOO I HATE THIS" in our living room. (Princess watched this whole process and laughed hysterically in her doggie brain, no doubt) By the time I got to the burpees I was crying out instead of counting out loud...and I stopped once I finished with push ups. I didn't notice until right now that the list went past "push ups", since I was so excited to be finished, stretch and shower that I must have just blacked out. At one point I also remember saying "I WANT TO DIE". Don't even get me started on the "Repeat 3x" listed on the bottom - that was never going to happen.

After my ice bath....er....shower, I folded the last load of laundry and my arms shook from weakness. I wondered how I let myself go this far without caring that I'd lost all muscle tone. I've always HATED working out, so it makes sense that I wouldn't do it without being forced...but why was mediocracy okay with me for so long?! I guess it was just the comfort of wedded bliss.

I know one thing now, I will make an effort to do this workout every time I go for a walk & over time, I hope to be able to finish this list...maybe someday even do the "Repeat" part! I'm still not sure about that "3x" portion, but I'll take baby steps. I will make an effort to be better, because I deserve it. I am better than this. I am beautiful and I can make an effort to continue to better myself and my body. I am YOUNG! My body deserves a chance to look it's age.

Have you had any epiphanies lately? Tell me about them!