I Feel Bad About My....self: Postpartum Insecurities

I'm not sure how to start this post, so I'm just going to dive in and tell you: I feel bad about myself.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Jess, you have nothing to feel bad about! You have a beautiful, healthy baby boy! It took 9 months to gain that weight! Give yourself time!"

I get that, I do. It's not the weight I feel bad about. Sure, I gained 50 or 60 lbs when I was pregnant with Billy, and I've lost quite a bit of that...enough that I feel more like "myself" again. However, I don't care about the weight. I feel completely blindsided because "weight" and "shape" are different things.

My pre-pregnancy jeans fit. Well, they zip. I can wear them. But they're low-rise, so my baby belly peeks out a little bit.

My pre-pregnancy shirts fit. Er...I can wear them. They're just shorter than they used to be because I have two blobs on my chest that have swollen astronomically so I can feed that beautiful baby.

So, at the intersection of "Muffin Top" and "Spare Tire", I feel very embarrassed of myself. I've got more rolls than a bakery!

I accept my body. I will embrace the rolls and I am absolutely proud of my ability to breastfeed. Breastfeeding alone is one of my favorite things about motherhood. I just really don't like how I feel when I look in the mirror and see a body I don't recognize trying to squeak into my old clothes.

Yesterday I tried on an outfit that could be on Pinterest for "Cute new mom clothes" and took a photo. When I looked at the photo I thought, "Who's the fat girl in my clothes?"

One of the magnificent things about my husband is his undying effort for trying to make me feel better. No matter how down I get on myself, he tells me I look adorable and he loves me more than ever. It's lovely to hear that, but I wish I felt adorable.

So, you know what I'm gunna do?

I'm going shopping. 

I've been pinning some ideas and brainstorming with mommy friends about what styles to try and which stores to shop at. My must-have postpartum style list is as follows:

Chambray Button-Up

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These are everywhere and frankly, I want one. They're trendy and cute and go with everything. Sign me up!

Knee High Brown Boots (Flats)

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How have I survived so long without these? I feel like every cute outfit I pin has these as a staple so they are a must in my new mommy wardrobe, which will be lots and lots of layered staple pieces as the weather here in Chicagoland cools down.

Tights/Leggings

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Last year I restocked my legging wardrobe for my maternity days...and I wore those suckers OUT. Time to replenish my supply.

Jeans

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I have always been an Old Navy or Gap Jean girl. However, now my faithful 'ole style of jeans are snug in all the wrong places. Like I mentioned earlier, they zip, so they should 'fit', but the fit is all wrong.

Through college I worked at White House Black Market and it's time I revisited them for their "curvy" style jean; the Blanc. I think one pair of boot cut and one skinny should suffice.

Supportive Nursing Bra

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I don't even want to guess what bra size I am now, I've just been buying XL Lamaze sleep nursing bras. I absolutely LOVE them because I'm prone to plugged ducts and they give me plenty of "freedom" but they don't flatter 'the girls' the way I'd like...so I think it's time I invested in just one supportive nursing bra to wear to work or out on date night.

Button-Front/Nursing Friendly Tops

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It's not often that I am out and need to nurse in public, but whatever I wear I do still need to be able to nurse in and I'd like to look cute! Button-front shirts seem like a new nursing necessity to me.

And last but not least, when I'm not wearing all of these really cute new things in my closet, I will be wearing this, because with Billy's teeth coming in, this is absolutely my reality:

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Moms, how do you stay fashionable with your "Mom Bod"?